My weight-loss journey

Ever since I can remember I’ve been a big girl. Throughout elementary I was the “chubby” one. The one with cheeks everyone liked to pinch. The one that people felt it was okay to insult as a joke in front of everyone around me. For those of you who are Mauritian; my nickname was “gro fi” (meaning big girl). It’s never really been a pleasant experience growing up this way. I don’t think it’s something that you ever get used to. It’s very annoying that in my culture all that matters is your appearance. If you don’t look like a Bollywood actress (lets sum up what this means; a size 0, light complexion with no blemishes, a bunch of makeup on your face, beautiful hair that’s always done up, and wearing the latest fashion) then you are UGLY. Anyone who doesn’t fit this “Bollywood” category is shunned. This is the story of my life. Welcome!

I’m not sure why people in general feel that it’s okay to point out your flaws or that it’s alright to comment on someone’s physical appearance when they feel that its “abnormal” or different from everyone elses. I don’t think that people realize that people who are overweight are still human. They have feelings and emotions too. They deserve to be respected like anyone else because THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM! Sometimes its not something that they can “fix” with the click of a mouse or tap of a button. We fail to realize that God created us all… and in his eyes we are all equally beautiful. I have been so disrespected in my life… it’s not even funny. I’m not sure if people even realize that they are doing it because it’s become the norm nowadays.
I’ve never been able to keep up with the latest fashion growing up or even as an adolescent or adult. I used to dress in what fit me. I couldn’t really “choose” my clothes when we went for back to school shopping like every other kid. I used to love what I could find in the biggest size available. It was instantly my favourite because it actually fit. I wore jeans as a child… but once the kids sizes stop fitting… I never wore jeans again. The next time that I wore jeans was in Grade 10. We just learned about a plus size store called Addition Elle… I saw jeans when we went in and fell in love (yes because they fit me… AND they were actually quite fashionable this time). The only issue is… those jeans were $69.99. During that time $69 for a pair of jeans was a lot of money. We couldn’t afford that… so I was happy trying them on but we couldn’t possibly afford it. I guess my mother saw my face light up when I tried them on so she made things work and brought me back to the store another day and bought them for me. I felt like a Goddess in those jeans. And I’d like to mention that at school the next day… only one person noticed that I was wearing jeans. Yes Nelson… that would be you! Thanks for noticing and making me feel so good about myself. I still have those jeans to this day, I cannot get myself to throw them out or even give them away; they are special to me.

After getting married back home in Mauritius… I saw this beautiful dress on a mannequin at a store close to where my in laws lived. It was stretchy… that’s all I could wear… things that were stretchy so they could fit me. I asked Djaz to take me there because I wanted that dress. So he did… I asked the lady for the price and she told me. So I told her I wanted to try it on. She took it off the mannequin and then proceeded to tell me “If it doesn’t fit, don’t put it on.” I was really upset… I actually said “If it doesn’t fit how can I put it on? That doesn’t make any sense.” I really loved the dress… but the lady really frustrated me. I did try it on because I really wanted it. It fit… I came out of the change room just to show the lady that it fit me nicely… then went to change out of it. I gave it back to her and said it fits… but I would never buy a dress from a person like you. It broke my heart not to buy it… but she was really rude. I didn’t think she deserved the sale at all.

When I got a little older, I started wearing sarees because they always fit. The blouses were not sewn yet so they could easily be made in my size. It was essentially lots of material wrapped around me… couldn’t go wrong right? Whenever we would go to a wedding or party… I would most likely have to wear something that was sewn just for me. I would only be able to buy material to have an Indian outfit sewn. When I would go and see the material sets they sold (they are precut pieces meant for a dress, pants and the scarf) and choose one… I would then be told that it didn’t have enough material to make a dress and pants for me. So I’d need to buy something off of a roll of material; not something pre embroidered or matched nicely (Basically something UGLY). I couldn’t go to a regular Indian store to buy an outfit like anyone else. The people at the store would automatically ask who we are shopping for and then say “we don’t have your size” And walk away. Or if they happened to give us the option that they could “order” my size… it would always make me so happy… that I could finally wear something nice. But the news that followed would upset me… It would cost any extra $50 because of the “extra material” and embroidery. Did they give people who wear an extra small a discount? I always ended up in tears and told my mom that I didn’t want to go to the party. I would offer to stay home and that the rest of the family could go. I never wanted to be seen by anyone. I was embarrassed by the way I looked or dressed to go to a party. Not to mention the comments the Auntys would make when they see me.
As if being overweight isn’t hard enough, the first thing someone says to you when they see you is:

“You’ve gotten fat”
“You’ve put on weight”
“You need to watch what you’re eating”
“You need to exercise more”
“You should cut down on sweets”
“Eat this and that… you will lose weight”

Or the most annoying one:
“You’re getting fat. I’m only telling you because I care about you.” Yeah Thanks… I didn’t notice that I’m fat when I had to go to the plus size store to get my clothes… or when I tried on 10 different outfits in tears before leaving home to find one that fits me. But thanks for the unsolicited advice… I appreciate it. Can you feel the sarcasm? LOL.

People can be so mean.